Great confusion reigned in the camp of Rotozailand. The most efficient part of their 7th army, their pride and hope-the personal guard of king John Patrick of Rotozea 4th suddenly struck by an unknown disease. The President of the army was beside himself. A strange disease in just three days mowed down almost the entire staff of the guard. The eve of the decisive battle with govnosaytov. It was on their flank, according to the calculations of Rand Corporation, that the success of the entire summer company was to be decided. It was to him that Jack-Franz-Iosifovich the younger, the king entrusted the 7th army, which led the battle on the decisive left flank. Moreover, the king gave in to his insistent requests and attached his legendary personal guard to the 7th army in order to decide the fate of the battle for sure. And so, upon arrival at the camp and quartered, the king’s personal Guardia managed to conduct only a night reconnaissance, and the next morning their main infirmary medical center did not have time to receive guardsmen with strange symptoms of some unknown disease that affected them. A day later, we had to deploy three more infirmary and medical centers, fearing that an unknown infection would spread to the entire army. This fortunately did not happen. But the entire guard, with few exceptions, moved from their barracks to the beds of the infirmary and medical centers. On the eve of a big battle, the President of the 7th army was waiting for some small or medium-sized trick to interfere with his battle plans, according to the code of “Parkinson’s Tricks, Jr.” But such an unexpected and sophisticated… in the spirit of Eugen Cadrescu (the founder of the rotosei theater “Paradox in the Absurd” ed.) … he clearly did not expect! While in the main army office, the President of the army instructed his Vice President for public relations to urgently call a meeting of all the chief managers of the army, air force, and Navy.
It was in the afternoon, and the Vice-President, who was known to be a bore and a book-eater, immediately contradicted him:
– But, sir! To call a meeting at an unscheduled time … would immediately arouse the suspicion of our enemy. Wouldn’t it be better to wait for our staff meeting at midnight?
– I can’t wait for van Springer Jr.! (God, what a dumbass! Why the hell did I give my consent to the Great Concern for his candidacy…?!). In 48 hours, the offensive will begin, and I have the entire Royal guard in a horizontal position. Even if we win this damn battle – what will I say to the king?!. That I begged him for his guard – to kill them all on the root of an unknown infection. He could have sent the guards of the 5th shock-commercial army, that is, to that idiot and stupid commercial General of the second rank, Clausewitz-Schmock Jr. … there, too, is a success-allegedly … according to these dummies from the “West point Corporation-Roto-zeyshen”, who have already passed their Memorandum to the king.” No, Springer is clearly not without rotomaster…?! And, Springer, what do you think …here is his dad the legendary business General of the 1st rank Clausewitz-Schmock Sr.-that was a combat General! What will I tell the king?! What will I tell the king…?! Do you understand that, Springer Junior?! We are in ass, big ass of rotozazai, my boy!
– Yes, I understand, sir. And I sympathize with You?!
– What … Junior Springer…?! Are you sympathetic…?! And … if we lose the battle…?! Our entire army, as reported to me by the chief army Manager-psychologist Freud-man Sredny, is under the stress of Zabludovsky-Shtern # 3. Anything can happen… and if we lose the battle, all our shares will collapse, including those of your uncle, the President of the Great rotosey way concern. A-a-a…?!
– I didn’t mean to imply…uh-uh… what I meant, that is, what you thought, sir! I apologize. It is just a consideration that the enemy will become alarmed and change their defense plans. According to the Richter Jr. scale, he was already alarmed after we deployed three non-emergency infirmary centers at 4, 68 points.
Have you spoken to the enemy’s Vice President of public relations?!
– Of course, sir! He has the same ideas.
– Still, ask him for my personal code – what is the probability of his alarm, if we still call an extraordinary meeting of the chief managers of the army?! And here’s something else-arrange a dinner for me with Kukes-Chubais. Immediately!
– But John Kukes-Chubais Jr. is their chief influence agent! Its accreditation will take place not today, but tomorrow.
– That’s it! That’s why! And here’s another thing, uh, my dear van Springer Jr. delay your report on this matter to Your Great Concern for 2-3 days. You will oblige me very much, er, even more than that!
– That’s impossible, sir! The rules Of the great concern “Rotoseysky way” allow you to violate the Great code of freedom of information only in the case of a fatal illness of the Respondent. And the Magna Carta…?!
– In the case of a terminal illness, You said. (And who knows what will happen to the guards, there have been no fatalities yet-God forbid, but … everything can be. The Genesis of this disease is completely unknown to modern medicine. And the symptoms are very, very strange.) Tell Me, Van! And how Does your wife feel after the Queen’s ball? My Joanna told me that she had a little attack of depressive migraines. I kept forgetting to ask You about it in business. Excuse me! The offensive takes all my strength and time. What to do, my dear van Springer Jr. We have invested in all companies of the South of the mouth Breathers. I was told that even in Las Vegas, the Shitheads are betting 100 to 50 on us! Not bad, very good if you immediately contact your spouse and ask about her health. Your wife is a very wise woman. Yes, even from such a surname Goltsman-Pierpont-Berezovsky. I recommend that you be honest with her and give her my good will. You will not be able to do this during the offensive. I decided to veto Z on the “Great Charter of personal freedom” and the “Great code of freedom of information”. Yes! I enter the “0 ” position.
– But, sir! This is unprecedented!
– This is my decision and it is agreed with the king.
– Mr. President of the army, air force, and Navy!
What have you got, Patrick?! Can’t you see I’m talking…
– Urgent dispatch from the king’s office.
– Come on! So … I hereby notify you of the arrival of Professor Weinstock from the Royal infirmary.” Finally! I hope that at least he will understand this damn infection.You are free van Springer Jr. I hope you understand me?!
Yes, sir! I think it is. May God help us All.
-Yes, dear Van. The situation is almost critical. And we could do with the favor of our Creator.
Al. Prok 9.07.2007, Tel-Aviv
To be continued